



How to Recognize a Secure PartnerĪ person with a secure attachment style has a compelling desire to achieve closeness with a romantic partner, but they’re also not overly concerned about rejection. But while you may not know everything your partner feels and thinks, you do have intimate experience with their everyday actions and words-and those are telling. After all, you can never “get inside” another person’s head. By determining your partner’s attachment style-and knowing your own-you’ll finally understand what lies at the root of your conflicts.ĭetermining another person’s attachment style is slightly more difficult than determining your own. Or perhaps you and your long-term partner have never succeeded in finding a peaceful equilibrium, but you can’t figure out why. Once you get an accurate picture of this new person’s capacity for intimacy, you’ll stop wondering, “Does he or she really like me?” and start asking a more important question: “Is this person able to give me the emotional support I need?” Because if the answer to the second question is no, the answer to the first is irrelevant. Maybe you’re on your third date and you’re wondering whether this new relationship holds promise for a sustainable future. Since evolution has assigned our romantic partners the job of being our secure base, it follows that if you want to thrive, you should find the most dependable and secure partner. Decoding Your Partner’s Attachment StyleĮver wondered, “what is my partner’s attachment style?” Whether you’re starting out in a new relationship or struggling to find harmony in a decades-long marriage, understanding your partner’s beliefs and attitudes about intimacy can save you a lot of emotional struggle. Whether you are in a new relationship or a long-term marriage, understanding how your partner feels and thinks can help you solve problems (or help you decide whether they’re worth solving).Ĭontinue on to take the “What is my partner’s attachment style?” quiz. Understanding your partner’s attachment style can save you a lot of emotional struggle.
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Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here.Įver wondered, “what is my partner’s attachment style?” How can knowing your partner’s romantic attachment style improve your relationship? Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
